just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Randomize