I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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