Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
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