I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
