I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
