i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Randomize
