talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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