So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize