It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
My bed smells like the plague
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
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