"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
