If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Randomize
