youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
