as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
