Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
