Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
