he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Randomize
