Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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