Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize
