i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
