The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
