i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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