Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
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