I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
