My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Randomize
