I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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