it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
This is classic penis vs brain.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
