it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
