***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize