Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
