it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
