we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
