I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
