I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
