Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
The uberlube is also flammable
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
