so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
