watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
