About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
