"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I will pee on everything he values.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
