My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
