Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I AM VODKA MAN
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
