shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I have already put on my inside pants.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
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