Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
