Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
