____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Randomize
