omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
