Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
