i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
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