u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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