No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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