Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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