quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
