oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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