She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
