i would punch a child for taco bell
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize