I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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