It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize