White coat. Heels.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
