I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize