There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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