Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
