their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
