all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
