Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize