He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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