She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
