its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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