if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Randomize
